Simplicity is a hard concept to acheive. Love is a hard thing to do. So I've been thinking a lot lately about everything. Everything. A lot of the time, I do this thing where I start thinking about something and then I realize that I'm doing it so I force myself to stop; I force myself to hide from whatever the thought might be...problems, concepts, schoolwork. It can be anything, really. Mostly problems though. It gets to the point where everything builds up and then I finally have one big huge freak out. It's really not mentally healthy. So the point of this explanation is personal acceptance. I now know that I do this, so I'm attempting to STOP. Let myself think. Let those thoughts flowwwwwwww.
I've been thinking a lot about religion. It's so damn confusing. There's a bible with the "Word of God" and that's that. Live by the golden rule and don't judge people. Why does there have to be so much baggage. So many different denominations of christianity, of anything for that matter. People really do make it hard for a kid like me. kid. I mean I'm pretty sure I'm still a kid. I haven't hit 21 yet, so that means I'm still a kid. Anyway, what's with all these people saying "you'll know" when god comes into your life. YOU'LL just KNOW. WHATT? How is a kid supposed to understand/believe that. I'm yelling, someone's got the answers,but i'd rather think there's nothing to be found. What if I don't want to know and figure everything out. I mean its a scary though. I think it's perosnal. Everyone is different. Differnet beliefs work for different people and if they are satisfied and they live a healthy life, what is the problem there? I wish it was simple. Simplicity is impossible. People make life impossible. BUT ...on the other hand, if I think that way, then that's definitely how it's going to be. DUH it will be impossible and obnoxious. Like if I THINK I'll fail a test...I probably won't do all that well. It's all mental. Mind over matter. My grandma used to say that all the time. I miss her. We used to go on picnics.
On a higher note, I went on a picnic today at jarvis. It was nice. SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY. It wasn't as planned but it was still nice. Sitting in silence is not a bad thing. If it's a good kind of silence, the people have this sense of acceptance. Kinda like...who the hell cares if it's silent. I have nothing to say. That doesn't mean I'm boring...even though I am kind of boring. But, that's okay, who isn't a little boring sometimes?
I have to work on being a better sister...keep my end of the bargain. Not that being a sibling has to have a bargain. But I mean, in this case it does. Brady is a good brother. He's right all the time, it just gets on my nerves a bunch.
People need to stop being so fucking judgmental.
maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm
in the mood to lose my way with words...
I like being called beautiful.
Call it conceited or whatever. Just saying.
OH BY THE WAY.... I ate like between ten and fifteen cookies. It hurts so good. ....meaning I need to do some sit ups. Who cares, though. Its winter-almost-springtime. Probably not a good mind set but HEY, it works for me.
Ever know someone that's just so good that you feel vile most of the time....you realize you've been living your whole life being selfish and silly doing dumb things. And THEN you realize its all fake; all an act. Catherine may know more about life than she lets on. Come see the Foreigner. You'll know what I mean. Man that play is taking over my life, my mood. My character is an edgy, sarcastic, ex-debutante. I'm sorry to all of those who are affected that don't even read this block.
Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?
I'll come around eventually....always do.
Thanks to those who understand and do wait it out. That's the best kind of friend.
I love people. Even though sometimes I get confused....I really do love people. There is good in everyone. Believe it.